Karl Kelman's Chrysler 300
The Chrysler 300 was the first street-legal vehicle that owned. Sucked down that premium leaded fuel with a big 413 c.i. four-barrel carb. Had a lot of cool features, though, like a push-button transmission, and a bizarre dashboard with a huge globe-like orb that made it seem like the Starship Enterprise at night. Chrysler 300 Stories: Some previous owner had attempted electrical work on the vehicle, and had apparently confused wires running from the horn and the dome light. After a certain amount of confusion, I realized what the problem was, and simply adopted the habit of pressing the horn to turn on the dome light, and rotating the light switch (the standard procedure to turn on the dome light in a 1960s vehicle). Some of my friends who rode in the car developed the shout of "Give 'em the dome!" whenever we found ourselves stuck behind a slow moving vehicle. For a period of time, the driver's side door could be opened from the inside, and a broken power window prevented rolling down the driver's side window. This meant that the passenger would have to get out and open the door for the driver, which briefly developed into a comedy routine spoofing a chauffeur and weathly Englishman. On a cold winter day, the 300 wouldn't start. So, aided by a neighbor, I attempted to start it by an Ether-based starting fluid into the massive 4-barrel carb. It still wouldn't start. So, more Ether! Finally, the beast roared to life, backfiring! And, blowing a massive cloud of Ether skywards, which ignited about 5 to 10 feet above the open hood, and continued upwards as a BLEVE (Boiling Liquid Vapor Explosion) for about twenty feet higher. Tragically, this was before the age of cheap camcorders. The push-button transmission could result in considerable confusion for the new driver. The Chrsyler had no gear shift or lever. The first-time driver would start it, and then become completely befuddled. How did you make it go? There were a series of buttons on the left-side of the dash that controlled the transmission, but's that's the last place most people would look. My purchase of the Chrysler may well have been inspired by Geoff Anderson's family's 1963 Chrysler, "the Goonmobile." Best Goonmobile story occured when one of us called the Goonmobile a Goonmobile in Geoff's house, and Geoff, apparently in a testy mood, implied that we'd better pipe down. After all, his father, Ray, had purchased the car, and if he heard us calling it a Goonmobile, that implied his father was a "goon," and well, Geoff left the distinct impression that our fate at that point would have been better off if we'd crossed swords with a boss in the Gambino crime family. Only problem with that implication was that Geoff's father was a mild-mannered, responsible, agricultural economist working at the university. I strongly suspect that his first response to perceived offense would have been to question your understanding of the contributions that the late 19th century Marginalist Revolution in Economics made to the modern neoclassical model of value, severely deflating your ego. Additionally, he shared with Geoff the functional and healthy, but rather unimposing, build of a distance runner who religiously avoided the weight room - Geoff and his father's weight added together were probably less than that of a typical mob enforcer. Instead of fear, Geoff's threat brought howls of laughter and ensured that the Goonmobile would never be called anything else. Other vehicles I, or my family, have owned: Circa 1970-2: Honda 50 Mini-Bike $185 ($125 sale) Circa 1972-3: Kawasaki 75 Mini-Bike $295 ($185 sale) Circa 1973-4: Kawasaki 120 Dirt Bike $200 m/l ($100 m/l sale) Circa 1975: 1963 Chrysler 300 $250 ($150 sale) Circa 1977: 1972 VW Super Beetle $600 ($650 sale) Circa 1977: 1971 Saab (Saab Story) $1200 ($1250 sale) Circa 1977: 1966 Travelall Free ($50 m/l sale) Circa 1978-84: Honda Trail 90 $125 ($100 sale) Circa 1979: 1960s Lincoln Continental $125 or Free ($50 m/l sale) Circa 1979-80: Honda 500-4 $900 m/l ($700 m/l sale) Circa 1979: 1969 Chevy Bel Air $600 ($275 sale) Circa 1981-90: 1980 Ford Courier (Home, Sweet Home) $5000 ($300 sale) Circa 1985-86: Honda Silver Wing $800 m/l ($600 sale m/l) Circa 1985-92: 1969 Chevy Camper Utility Box Alaskan Camper $2000 m/l ($1000 sale m/l) Exactly 1990-93: 1985 Chevy Celebrity (BEN) $2800 ($2800 m/l sale) Exactly 1990-00: 1988 Chevy Celebrity (AYN) $3700 ($900 sale) Circa 1993-98: 1988 Subaru Justy (Little Red) $2600 ($800 m/l sale) Circa 1998: 1988 Toyota Camry (Camy) $2000 ($1100 sale) Circa 2000-1: 2000 Toyota Camry V-6 (Otto) $2900 ($2800 sale) Circa 2001-3: 1993 Toyota Corolla (Dex) $2000 ($2000 m/l sale) Exactly 2002: 1996 Oldsmobile (Dino) $4200 ($1500 value) Exactly 2002: 2000 Toyota Corolla (Cedrick) $7000 ($4000 value) Exactly 2007: 2002 Toyota Corolla (Lancelot) $6800 ($6500 value) If you don't mind driving really ugly, you can drive really cheap! |